There could be more happier for a daughter to come home seeing her mother welcoming her arrival.  For a a warmth smile and a warmth hug of a mother is too meaningful that  a daughter could'n't forget for the rest of her life.

              Today is the 6th year death anniversary of my beloved MAMA. A woman who bring me to this world, a woman full of strength to face the trials in life, a woman who loved her chidlren even to the point of sacrificing her ownself, a woman who believe and have faith in God, a good daughter and a  faithful and loving wife to my late PAPA.

              When my father had his first stroke he couldn't back to worked my MAMA became the bread winner of the family (teacher). I saw her strenght, courage, positive outlook in life, faith and trust in God, and her undying love  to my PAPA. There relationship grow stronger everyday that made me believe that makes my PAPA in one month time were able to regain his physical strength.

              As of this writing, to this second, minute and hour is when my mother surrender her life to her CREATOR.  We admitted her to the hospital Oct 1. She told us that she felt pain at her back. She was ambulatory when we admitted her. I never thoughted that the next day will be our last day to talked together, to see her smile, to hear her voice, to feel her warm hands squeezing my hand, to bathed her, to change her clothes, to lay beside her. BEcause she had an attacked that made her put into coma. The doctor talked to me in his private office of what happened to my MAMA and the expectation for the next days to come.

              Hearing everything I was at a lost. I don't know what to do I couldn't let myself breakdown because I was the one manning everything. I have to stand amidst everything and I have to let myself more stronger. I cried a lot but I don't let my brother and sister see. I have to put a facade that I am strong and I can handle it.

             For almost a month we stayed at the hospital she suffered several attacked that it reaches to the point that I couldn't bear to see her pain. Deep inside I screamed the word MAMA dont leave as this soon. I know as a daughter and mother we have this connection that only us we knew. Because I saw her tears streaming down her face. It was very painful to me seeing her suffer. But I saw her courage and hope that somehow she will regain her physical strength. At her bedside, I talked to her and let her hear our prayer as she manage to communicate me through a movement of her eyebrows. Seeing that make me feel soooooo happy.

             Until the time that  the doctor told me again that there is no hope for her to live. And  that  I WILL CHOSE THE DAY WHEN THEY WILL TAKE ALL THOSE TUBES ATTACHED TO HER. It struck me the most because it will be a goodbye to MAMA. And it will only take a miracle and Gods will if she will live without all those tubes. Still I did hope and pray that somehow God will make a miracle to my beloved MAMA.

              Today, on this very day at quarter to 9:00 am, the doctor took her tubes and all the aparatus that clings to her body. I was there beside her, my brother, my sister, my neice and some relatives. I was the one standing just across the doctor, looking at my MAMA. I saw her frail body. I  squeeze her hand remembering that those hands nurtured us lead us as we are today. I saw her feet and remember how those feet walked everyday going to and fro from work. I caress her head and I remember that those gray hairs  is where we have a good time. Plucking her gray hair makes me frown because I dont want to do it and she will bribe me. If only I could go back the time.

              When the doctor pull all the tubes and she was left alone breathing without any help. I feel her breathing deteriorate. And my mind rushed back in the past. All those memories just flash one my one in my mind. As I was looking at her caressing her I utter a words " I WILL LET YOU GO MAMA I WILL LET YOU GO YOU WILL MEET PAPA SOON"  Tears flowed from my eyes it was so painful seeing her leave  so soon. It was too painful for me. I was  silent I just let memories keep on flashing in my mind. I stared at her body so frail yet it marks all the strength of a woman. I grieve until this time. I know it is a lifetime healing of losing a wonderful woman in my life. But life has to move on. Oh my God how I wish your here with me now. How I wish ...............

                For you my MAMA I will always remember you. As long as I live your the GREATEST WOMAN I EVER HAD IN THIS WORLD. I may never say many times this words " I LOVE YOU "  when you were still alive but I DID I DO AND I ALWAYS WILL TILL THE end of my borrowed life.

                                                                 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

This entry moves me a lot!i could not stop my tears from falling. Bless your heart...btw, i'm one of your frequent reader.

hi vanessa, tnks for droppin by. God bless!

Ate Kim, mag hilak man pud ta ani imo post oy. Boy, ma-o pa emotional kaayo ko karon da. Nagbasa ko sa imong post, na appreciate nako ug maayo kaung mama ug mama oy. They were trying thier best to help and send me to school pero wala jud mag work. Mag hilak gud akung mama tungod nako. :D Bulyagon ko kaayo sa una oy, pero karon but-an na jud ko baya ha. ^_^

Ok. See you soon, you will be back na next week! I can't wait.

hi lan, mao gyud na ako tell to everybody specially sa mga batan-on karon to appreciate every little things nga gibuhat sa ato mga ginikanan because we never know kung hangtud when sila nato mauban. yes kita kits ta puhon. ;)

Hi Kim,
I guess this is my 2nd time visiting your blog...breaks my heart read your post about your mom...nawala na rin Papa ko 3yrs ago..it really hurts me coz his death was so sudden..Nasa vacation ka pa yata di ba...Take care..and enjoy..

hi che..tnks for visiting. your right it is not easy losing someone you loved. yes i am still here in pinas enjoying the sun and sweating a lot!

Hi there KIM!!I enjoy your journal very much!! Thank you for stopping by!!

Hi Kim, I can relate to your post, ganon talaga pag mawalan ka ng loved ones, di ka maka recover, parang walang katapusan ang sinasabing mourning and grief . Pag ang mga taong you care a lot about are being taken away from you, talagang you'll never get over sa pagkawala nila . Masakit talaga ang mga ganon . Ka sad naman sab sa nahitabo sa buhay nyo, at parents mo, kaya I can't wonder na miss na miss mo na parents mo . Life must go on, kaya let's take it easy nalang and think na may bukas tayong nag hihintay sa atin.

Hi Kim, hasta ko dri nagluha-luha sab. Ikaw jud. Be comforted to know that you have 2 angels now watching over you and soon the time will come that you will be reunited with them.

Hi Kim,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mama. I'm deeply touched! What a nice tribute of her. Take care and God Bless you.

hi devious..thanks very much for coming by. your very much welcome here.
hi ana......your right sometimes you wont get over it sometimes naman you feel okay. that is what they call pala cycle. sooner or later we get healed and that is in Gods time. ;)
hi ger....yes gyud two angels are watching over me nakaka ease din nang sad feeling. Mao gyud ni giingon ba nga sa makauna lang ug exit dire sa giingon nilang earth. hehehe.
hi agring....tnks for leaving a message. U too take care and God bless.

Hi Kim, sus mo hilak naman pod ko ani oi, labi na imong musik background.

Six death anniv. diay na sa imong Mama. Adto diay sa akong blog ugma ha kay naa pod koy posting about sa akong Mama, tyaga-e lang ug basa kay looy kaayo life sa akong Mama. Mag 2 yeas pa pod gikan sya namatay.

Tabangi ko diha bi, pangitaa e kog Hindi kita malilimutan nga musik. Kay mao akong i background.

O cge dinhi nalnag ko kutob Kim...lain pod ato diay mao na ba ni imong journal. Asa man nimo gusto ko mag duawan kay ako pod diri nag talibagbag kung asa ko mo duaw, sa daan ba or sa ba-o nga journal nimo.

hi! your entry made me sad and i do hope the love you have for your mom will remain in your heart. :) Thanks for visiting my blog, come back anytime..

God bless!

hi raquel...tnks for droppin by. i also read your mama's tribute. it is also heartbreaking oi. hay life ani gyud ni ba. we meet in this life pain and sorrow but in the end we also became strong and committed.
hi emmyrose...thnks for visiting too..i do lurk at your blog from time to time. yes indeed my mama is always in my heart and my papa too. i know they are in good hands now. tc

H Kim, thanks for dropping by my blogpage!anyway, i cant help but crying while reading here...my heart goes with you. It's a good tribute to your mom. take care and be strong!

Hello, just blog hopping from another filipina site. Your tribute to your mom is beautiful and I can honestly tell you that I can relate very closely to how you feel because I too lost my mother and although its been 4 years, my heart still longs for her everyday and probably will till the end of my days. Just like you for your mom, I was very close to my Mom. My mother died of metastatic breast cancer and it was a long and hard road for her. So I watched her die and in pain also not being able to alleviate the turmoil she went through. For me, PRAYER always helps and still talking to my Mom in my prayers and in my dreams. God Bless you and take care..

hi lucille...this is too late response. thanks for the message..

hi marikay...so sorry to hear that your mom passed away too. thanks for droppin a message here. your very much welcome here. tc and God bless.